Free Ebook When Love Is a Lie: Narcissistic Partners & the Pathological Relationship Agenda
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When Love Is a Lie: Narcissistic Partners & the Pathological Relationship Agenda
Free Ebook When Love Is a Lie: Narcissistic Partners & the Pathological Relationship Agenda
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From the Author
[Also by Zari Ballard: Stop Spinning, Start Breathing (Narcissist Abuse Recovery: Managing the Memories That Keep Us Addicted), Narcissist Free: A Survival Guide for the No-Contact Break-Up, & When Evil Is a Pretty Face (Female Narcissists & the Pathological Relationship Agenda)]Deliberately non-clinical in content, When Love Is a Lie is a book based solely on my personal perspective and experience concerning narcissistic behavior. In other words, readers seeking medical explanations for narcissistic behavior or positive coping strategies for dealing with a narcissistic or psychopathic partner will be disappointed. When Love Is a Lie is about recognizing the reality of our situation when we love a narcissist or sociopath... and also about understanding our own codependency to the very drama that we claim to hate. It is my hope that, by demystifying typical narcissistic behavior patterns, we can move away from fear and escape the darkness before too much time has passed. I will outline the logical thought process that, after 12-long years with my own narcissistic abuser, helped me to accept the final discard and mentally let go of the pathological, narcissistic lie. It's a process for which I am most grateful and one that I feel could make a difference to others. Knowing that passive-aggressive manipulation is, by its very nature, a difficult dynamic to comprehend, I make no attempt to sugarcoat the facts (as I believe many books on narcissism tend to do). That being said, instead of being difficult to write, the book itself - the writing process - was, indeed, very cathartic for me. I know now, of course, that I was simply ready to write it...to expose the pathological relationship agenda and admit to (and discuss) the codependency factor ..... to pass on what I learned from the experience and to share some words of inspiration given to me by some wise women (and men) who had been there, done that. It was, simply, time to make it happen.If When Love Is a Lie succeeds in providing even just a single reader with a validation of her experience and the strength to either stay away or make an escape,then I will have more than exceeded my goals for this little book.
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About the Author
Zari is a Freelance Writer/Author (and single mom) who resides with her son in Tucson, AZ at the base of the beautiful Catalina Mountains. Born and raised in Rhode Island, Zari, then an aspiring journalist, graduated from Rhode Island College with a B A in Mass Media Communications/English and headed off from the ocean state for a life in the Southwest.In 2005, when her son's diagnosis with child-onset schizophrenia changed everything, Zari set aside the executive rat race in lieu of a home-based career as a Freelance Writer. A leap of faith that could have gone either way, the choice to work from home was meant-to-be and she has never looked back.Motivated by the success of When Love Is a Lie, Zari has since published three additional books about narcissism in relationships - Stop Spinning, Start Breathing, a journal-style workbook about narcissist abuse recovery, Narcissist Free: A Survival Guide for the No-Contact Break-Up, and When Evil Is a Pretty Face, for male victims of female narcissists. In addition, she will be publishing a memoir about her son's life and recording a podcast series based on her books about narcissism. For informative articles about narcissism in relationships and the opportunity to communicate with Zari in forum-style conversations, please visit Zari's blog: TheNarcissisticPersonality.com.
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Product details
Paperback: 228 pages
Publisher: CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform; 1 edition (July 4, 2013)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 149040709X
ISBN-13: 978-1490407098
Product Dimensions:
5.5 x 0.5 x 8.5 inches
Shipping Weight: 12.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review:
4.2 out of 5 stars
383 customer reviews
Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
#23,595 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
Accurate to a degree... However, not every N disappears for weeks on end or changes their phone number. I was involved for seven years, four of which were as a married couple with a child together. My N did do many of the behaviors the author describes, but honestly, had I caught my man in the act or had him disappear for weeks on end I would have caught on immediately. My N is what is consideted as a covert narc, and therefore much more difficult to unmask. I liked this book for its candidness, but it didnt touch on the SPECTRUM of NPD, and how there are many different degrees, levels, and behaviors that can be seen in these people. My own N was as cold and callous as they get, but used stonewalling and physical abuse, as well as a claim of having been diagnosed with PTSD, as his reason for the atrocious acts he committed.Bottom line: There are many forms and variations of NPD, and that mine didnt portray the long absences or constant phone number changes does not mean he was not on the NPD spectrum. It just means he was a different level on the spectrum. So I think its important that readers understand this is only one of many examples of what NPD can look like. It doesnt have to be obvious to be true.
As a psychotherapist, I did not expect this to be a wide range assessment of narcissism, however, I felt it was more of a personal biography that narrowed the circumstances down to just a single experience. This does not offer a broad range that would allow the person involved with the narcissist to consider sociopathy or another Cluster B personality disorder. There are also many types of narcissists-and they behave quite differently. Many are covert, and that can include some truly hidden behaviors that are never discovered and do not include overt anger and such obvious actions. A cerebral narcissist behaves one way, while a somatic narcissist another. It isn't so much that love is a "lie", but that the narcissist only cares about weaving a mask that deceives and hides their true motives. It is a good idea to examine love-bombing, discarding, ghosting, hoovering, flying monkeys, grey rocking and the many other terms that can help the person involved apply some structure to the situation so they can not only get out-but can see their own repeating patterns and heal them. After all, there is something intoxicating about the love-bombing that creates such an elation (almost like a drug) and that needs to be recognized and healed.
Ok, I only just STARTED reading this book, but I feel compelled to rate it 5+ stars! THAT'S how spot-on accurate it is. My name is Blank, and I WAS struggling through my FINAL breakup with a narcissist. I WAS going crazy trying to quit obsessively thinking about him, even though I knew my soul would die if he remained in my life. Thanks to this book, I am done, my mind is free; I FINALLY understand.To Zari: Thank you for saving my precious life. To readers: WHAT SHE SAID. Now, I'm going to continue reading this book. It is simply manna from heaven; the author, my guardian angel.
when love is a lie, THIS BOOK DESCRIBES ALL THE TORTURE AND INTENSE PAIN EXACTLY AS IT IS AND SHE SQUASHES IT HEAD ON. ZARI's ability to recount exactly to a "t" my own experiences in being bambooseled by amazing sex and the illogical lies and everything I have ever said or felt...is right here in this book - as well as to hear her words...He never loved you and he feels nothing for you - IS A FRICKEN AWESOME KICKER AND FREES ME INSTANTLY WHEN I READ THOSE FACTS!!! almost 6 years and I am free of the pain completely and I was on this road already but reading this book just explained it all and the reasons that I could of wasted another 5 years and that the years going by is normal...which completely freed me from the grief and the pain and all of it!! buy this book!! laugh at it all...it's all funny because it is exactly what I went through and all that pain was ridiculous to have gone through, but a target is a target and manipulation is not obvious to good people - take heart, read and rejoice in the truth - it's so effing cool that the instincts we all had were right and here are the tools to squash the frog because he is a frog!!! and all women want the fairy tale to end happily ever after and reading this book...IT DOES IN THE COOLEST WAY - SOBERING TRUTH THAT ERASES THE ANGER, AND EXPOSES THE REALITY THAT AMAZING SEX IS NOT SOMETHING TO EVER HOLD ON TO...it's a gift to feel and know we can have it...but just never give into it or berate yourself again!!! buy this book and read the freedom of knowing and seeing the truth...it's so exciting!!
I just got out of a horrible relationship with a sociopath. I have scoured the Internet reading everything I can...this book is DEAD ON and has touched on aspects of my former relationship that I never even realized anybody else would comprehended. If that makes sense. I have not been able to relate to anyone, no one has a clue what I just went through. This book has made me feel welcomed and strong and I finally feel like I have the upper hand with all of this knowledge. It has significantly improved my perspective and my heartbreak. The author is awesome!! :)
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